


house and home

by fated_addiction



Category: K-pop, Korean Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, SM Entertainment | SMTown, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Romance, Sicagate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 02:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5146916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The first thing: Soojung calls Jessica who then calls Taeyeon. <i>She asked about you</i>, Soojung had said. This is a sequence of events that remains messy.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	house and home

The first thing: Soojung calls Jessica who then calls Taeyeon. _She asked about you_ , Soojung had said. This is a sequence of events that remains messy; Jessica is mostly unsettled by the fact that she is the one making the first move, even though she always knew she was going to have to make the first move, apologize, whatever.

"Soojung said you asked how I was," she says when Taeyeon answers, on the third ring. Jessica is not surprised; she dialed halfway three times too. If she believed in numbers, this would be weird. "I figured I'd call you," she continues, casually, "and answer the question myself. Since you're curious."

There is a pause. A door shuts. "Hi Sooyeon-ah," Taeyeon greets. Her voice is soft. "I didn't think you'd have my number still," she adds and Jessica winces, biting her lip.

"We're not in middle school," she counters.

Jessica does not want to fight. She has thought about this moment for ages, writing and rewriting every single thing she has wanted to say. She isn't the eloquent one; she can count those people in her life who hold that title faithfully. It doesn't matter, she thinks. She rubs her eyes.

"Sorry," she says, sighing. "I'm tired."

Her apartment is semi-dark. She moves back to her kitchen, turns on a light, opens her laptop and searches for a bottle of water. Her movement is slow. Her mind cycles through the things she has to do before her flight leaves tomorrow.

"You sound tired," Taeyeon says gently. "It's kind of late too."

"Don't want to talk to me?"

Taeyeon sighs. "No," she says quickly. "It's not that -- I don't know. I'm just not good at these things over the phone. Maybe, I just want to go and see your face."

Jessica blinks. She doesn't know what to do with that. It seems more natural for Taeyeon to say something like that; she doesn't remember that way. Something flutters in her. They don't owe each other anything.

"I don't know if I believe that." She's honest to a fault. Her voice remains even. "Sorry," she murmurs. "I don't mean to be --"

"It's okay," Taeyeon says quickly again.

There is a pause.

"Let's have coffee, okay?"

Instinctively, she braces herself for her own reaction. It seems silly. The thing is that there is no buffer for Jessica anymore; it's liberating and it's painful, a lot lonelier than she wants to admit, but a reality that she owes even if the questions are old and grating. She tells herself: _you should say no_.

"Sure," she says. She checks her watch. "I know a place," she agrees. "I'll text you the address."

Taeyeon sighs. It sounds like relief. "Great," she says. Then after: "See you soon."

Her kitchen is silent when she hangs up. She picks up a pen, writes herself a note ( _stop procrasting!!!!_ ), and pockets her phone into the bag by her feet. She thinks about changing. She could wear one of her new prototypes; it's not arrogant, but thinking about it makes her tired. Jessica still checks her hair, fixes her hair, and grabs her sunglasses.

She goes as herself.

 

 

 

 

When they finally started talking again, before everything, Taeyeon brought her into the studio to listen to one of her songs. It was late and there was no around. They were leaving for Japan in the morning.

"It's beautiful," she had said after, careful, frowning -- because it was true. "Is this for --"

"Yeah," Taeyeon replied, sharp and shy. She wouldn't look at her. Her hair broke over her eyes and Jessica was confused. It was simple: why now, why this, and why her first. "It's for my solo," she finished. "I just wanted you to hear it."

Jessica thinks of this now, those words, and feels like she missed a million more pieces.

 

 

 

 

The coffee shop is nearly empty. She didn't think it was this late.

She picks a table upstairs, sets her phone down and wraps her hands around her coffee. This may end up being the most terrifying moment in her life, next to five other things, things that she can count on one hand. Just say hi, she thinks.

There is a couple upstairs with her. They sit in a far corner, staring at the window. Neither of them really engage with each other. She tries not to stare.

"Hi."

She jumps. Taeyeon ducks forward, peering over her shoulder with a smile.

"Don't do that," she scolds, her expression sour. She notes that Taeyeon has a coffee in her hand too. "My coffee is still hot."

Taeyeon snorts. "You're only violent with your fists."

Jessica rolls her eyes.

Taeyeon sits next to her, instead of across of her, which is both weird and thoughtful. It keeps the conversation private. Still though, her smile is tight. She shifts in her seat and turns, crossing her legs.

"You look tired," Taeyeon says. Her thumb traces the lip of her coffee lip. "The Internet is always telling me how much you travel."

Jessica smiles weakly. "Turn your google alerts off," she mutters. "Tell Tiffany to help you." She sips her coffee, sighing. "Sorry for being busy, I guess."

"You know I didn't mean it."

She's quiet. Taeyeon's expression is a mix of earnestness and something else -- that part, well, is the part that she can't really recognize. She's still beautiful, Jessica thinks, which is sort of painful, mostly painful, but those are feelings that she cannot, will not play with.

The lapse into silence is unsteady. Taeyeon picks up her phone, but to turn it off. The tension in Jessica's shoulders is starting to tighten. She is going to have knots.

"I have your album."

Taeyeon's voice catches. "Really?"

"Mm." She nods, pushing her coffee to the center of the table. "I pre-ordered it."

"You could have asked Soojung --"

"Soojungie has enough to deal with," Jessica interrupts. Then she softens herself. Taeyeon looks down. "I don't mean it that way," she says gently. "I just don't want to make things even more awkward for her than I already have."

"Makes sense."

Neither of them venture beyond that. She feels a little jumpy. This is exactly what she was worried about. Taeyeon doesn't seem to notice -- and if she does, she won't push her beyond and into anything else.

"Sorry," Jessica says first. "I -- this is weird," she admits. She shrugs. "I wish it wasn't, but I just don't know what to say to you. If this was a year ago, maybe we would have had a shouting match or maybe we could have mended everything. But it's a year later and I'm tired and lonely and kind of upset that life is moving on and that I miss every single one of you fools."

Taeyeon's fingers touch the crook of her arm. "We miss you too," she says quietly, evenly. Then the surprise: "I _miss_ you," she seems to correct.

This is the wrong conversation to have here, in public, which makes everything ten times sharper, brighter, and a million more times endless. Her head is starting to spin and there are things that she wants to say to Taeyeon, other things, somewhere between all the memories that she has and the rest that she has forgotten.

"So let's fix this," she murmurs.

Taeyeon seems to search her gaze, looking for something, something that Jessica can't even reconcile. She lets her though: sits there faithfully, in the chair, gripping her coffee like a lifeline and trying to swallow back other words, bigger words that have no business in any of this.

"Let's have dinner," Taeyeon says then.

She reaches forward, her fingers curling around the end of her braid. She tugs it gently.

Jessica feels a little less lonely.

 

 

 

 

They agree to her space. It's the easiest agreement they have come to in the longest time which, she thinks, is weird because Taeyeon is nothing but sincere about it. They buy groceries on the way. Taeyeon even buys her flowers for the kitchen -- A housewarming gift nearly two years too late, she tries to joke.

Jessica laughs. Her sense of humor is a little sharper anyway. She promises not to make a comment about the flannel shirt Taeyeon seems to favor when they are miles away from a really, really cold winter.

"I like it," Taeyeon says from the counter. She watches as Jessica takes out the groceries and starts chopping onions. "It's sensible," she says. "Soojungie told me that you were the one that settled first."

Jessica shrugs. "I went with my gut," she says. "It went well."

"It usually does," Taeyeon says idly.

There's a long pause.

Jessica doesn't bite. Instead, she settles on chopping onions because it's the easiest, most mundane thing she can do. It feels like an excuse, even though they stood in the market for, like, an _hour_ talking about a hypothetical dinner like an old married couple. She feels like she's waiting for the ground to drop underneath them. Again, of course.

She puts the knife down. Her hands drop against the counter.

"This is weird," she says. She's blunt. Her mouth purses and she shifts uncomfortably. "I mean," she says, "I've thought about this for the longest time --"

"So have I," Taeyeon murmurs, mumbles actually. She makes this low sound from the back of her throat. "I've even tried to make myself call you a couple of times."

"Liar."

Taeyeon blinks. Jessica shrugs.

"You didn't even want to listen to me," she says quietly, looking away. Her eyes burn a little. She pushes the onions forward. "You waited until we had a room full of people, lawyers, and company representatives."

"For the group," Taeyeon says. The response is almost automatic. Jessica turns and watches her, the other woman gnawing at her lip. It's a nervous gesture. "And you were angry enough to not give me the time either --"

Jessica nods. "True," she admits. Sincerely. 

They share gazes. Taeyeon's expression is unreadable; she remains biting her lip though, hard enough for it to be noticeable. She watches and waits. She has no idea on how to move forward; she doesn't expect them to talk like the used to. It's a little depressing, a little more uncomfortable, but Jessica always forces herself through.

She steps forward then, sighs. Her hand curls around Taeyeon's hand and she tugs her forward, snorting when she stumbles. She wraps her arms around the other woman, digging her fingers into her shoulders and blouse. Taeyeon sort of sighs, sort leans into her, and it's quicker to not process what's happening, even has her hands settles at the small of Jessica's back.

"We're terrible at this," she says into Taeyeon's shoulder, her mouth brushes against the fabric of her blouse.

Taeyeon laughs. The thing is: a lot of things do stay the same.

 

 

 

 

Onions move to an omelette, but the omelette burns and Jessica declares, "whatever -- let's just do pizza!" and suddenly, the two of them are in her bedroom and she's abandoned her skirt and given a button down to Taeyeon that _might_ be Soojung's. The pizza box sits between the two of them on the bed and she swears, swears she made it earlier before, way too aware that she was going to have company.

"Sorry about the omelette," she says, mouthful of pizza. Taeyeon snorts and laughs. "I have no energy," Jessica shrugs. "Or brain, apparently."

Taeyeon grins. "I didn't come here for food anyway."

"So it's a date." Jessica watches as Taeyeon flusters, her eyes widen a little. Her lips curl. "I thought I was expensive," she teases.

"You still are," the other woman replies, dry.

Jessica throws a pepper at Taeyeon, who catches it with her mouth. She remembers: Taeyeon does not say no.

"Your aim still sucks too," Taeyeon adds.

Jessica mock glares, sighs, then pouts. The pizza box is empty anyway. She kicks it off the side of the bed with her foot, her socks starting to curl around her ankles. She drops back, falling on her back and her hair spilling around her. 

She peeks up, brushing her hands over her face. Her fingers split and she studies Taeyeon.

"I'm sorry," she says simply. Then she swallows. Her throat is tight. "And I miss you," she says too.

Taeyeon stills.

Her expression changes slowly. There is a strange twist of emotions. She picks out a few: sadness, relief, joy, confusion. It feels like she's suddenly answered a question that has been hanging between the two of them for far too long.

Taeyeon shifts then, on her knees, over her and then leans over, her mouth brushing over Jessica's. The movement is quick, too quick for Jessica to really process what is happening. It takes her a minute. Then another and her stomach just _drops_ , knotting as Taeyeon's mouth opens further, warming hers into a sigh and relief. She's kissing her and it feels like gravity is dropping, fading quickly.

Her mouth is warm, salty and she feels herself laugh into the kiss, half surprised, as her shoulders drop and relax and her hand curls into Taeyeon's shirt.

"What are we _doing_ ," she breathes and her body does this weird, painful twist, pushing her forward and Taeyeon against her. She bites at Taeyeon's lip, listening to the other woman sigh.

"Apologizing." Taeyeon's voice trembles. It sounds more like: "Ap-olo-gi _zing_."

Jessica has the urge to hit her. Or kick her. But her body feels like it's melting away. Nothing wants to make sense. She reaches into Taeyeon though, her fingers meeting her hip and pulling at the borrowed shirt, tugging the other woman closer. Her nails scrape against some skin and Taeyeon bites at her lip this time, tugging it into her mouth.

It's strange how they melt into each other. It's quick. It makes her head spin. She feels a little too clumsy against Taeyeon's mouth and that's familiar, achingly familiar in a lot of ways -- ways that she can't really begin to go and grasp.

When they break away, Taeyeon pulls back but slides a leg in between hers.

"I didn't think you'd buy my album," she murmurs. Her voice is sleepy. "I thought about sending it to you."

Jessica laughs and the sound comes from deep in her throat. Taeyeon's fingers are dragging somewhere near the base of her spine and it's making her sleepy too.

"Just buy the pizza next time," she replies, or decides to say, and Taeyeon laughs right against her throat.

This is how they make up. Unassuming, at best. Soojung may never get her shirt back. Taeyeon will cook for her next time, or something like that. It'll be cute; she'll ask about her sister. It might be the most like them they've been in years; it's saying a lot, maybe too much. 

Jessica falls asleep and dreams of bandaids.

 

 

 

 

In the morning, Soojung has already made coffee. She is back from Tokyo. 

The music from the kitchen that mixes with the coffee smell is eventually what makes Jessica's eyes twitch and open. Taeyeon is already reaching for her phone to check her schedule for the day. It takes them awhile to realize that they've woken up to the pizza box being gone, off the floor of her bedroom and an extra blanket tossed over their feet.

There is a post-it on Taeyeon's shirt, against the shoulder.

_happy future wedding present!!!_ , it says.


End file.
